Was Covid-19 the Worst Thing that Happened in Your Life?
Covid-19 turned our world upside down and the uncertainly that comes with it has caused tremendous amount of stress and worry for everyone at so many levels. However, I often ask myself is this the worst thing that has ever happened in my life? The reason I ask this is that I want to try and put this uncertainty into perspective and minimise the negative impact it is having on me.
During April, May and June 2020, when we were furloughed and stopped working, we decided to continue our weekly catch-ups. Instead of doing a phone call, we shifted to using Zoom video calls. Our team is spread over 5 countries: Scotland, Northern Ireland, Wales, England and USA. These catch-ups were completely unrelated to work. It was our chance to check-in and make sure everyone was OK. We talked about how things were in our respective geographies and compared notes about access to toilet paper and hand sanitisers, shared funny videos and generally had a warm catch-up. It was during these catch-ups that I started sharing my personal stories to help my team put things into perspective. I still don’t know why I did it, but I do know that it helped them. So, I’ve decided to share my story more widely, in the hope that other people might find it useful too.
I was 14 when the revolution happened and shortly after the war between Iran and Iraq started and continued for many years. I left Iran when I was 21 and moved to the UK. I recall so many memories from that time that have helped build natural resilience and put Covid-19 into perspective.
I remember the Iraqi planes would often come at night to bomb Tehran. The screeching sound of siren would fill the neighbourhood, followed by the mandatory power cut to create a blackout. We would get the oil lamps and candles and take refuge in our basements. Our windows were taped up to stop glass shattering and all windows were blacked out to stop the light from showing through. We tuned in to BBC World News or local radio to find out what is going on and would sit there until the sound of the bombing and anti-aircraft missiles quieten. Then life would resume and we were happy to see another day.
My mum was obsessed about dental hygiene and I remember I used to retaliate and refuse to brush my teeth and say to her, “Don’t worry, if I live long enough and get to 30 I will get myself a full set of dentures.” I guess everything is relative so when your life is in danger you don’t really care about your dental hygiene. Right?
Mehrnaz when she was younger, her Mum and Nephew.
One day something happened that completely changed my perspective. I was babysitting for my sister while she went to a party near my parents’ house. My sister had two children; a newborn and a seven-year-old boy who I absolutely adored and loved babysitting. Their house was on the foot of the mountain, so it was well protected from bombing as the pilots feared getting too close and crashing their airplanes. While I was babysitting the sound of sirens began, followed by the usual banging of the retaliatory anti-aircraft missiles. I gathered the boys and wondered which part of Tehran was under attack.
After the bombing stopped, I called one of my friends and realised the bombing had happened in my parent’s neighbourhood. I panicked because my sister and her husband had gone to a party near my parent’s house. The sudden realisation that I may have lost my parents, my sister and my brother-in-law and I’m left with these two little boys was far scarier than dying.
It took me an hour or so to figure out that my family was OK and luckily none of them was harmed, but the effect of that day has stayed with me forever.
As it happened the bomb was dropped on a house close to my parents’ house. The irony of the situation was that the family who lived in that house had taken refuge in their basements. The basements in Iran are built in a way that you need to go out to the back garden and climb down a set of steps to enter the basement. Had the family stayed in their house they would have lived, but because the bomb was dropped at the entrance of their basement and they all died.
I think the whole experience made me realise when events are out of our control the only thing we can control is our own emotions, perspective, and how we approach the challenges.
After that experience, every time the bombing started, despite my Mum’s continuous plea I did not go to the basement. Instead, I stood in the backyard with my brother and we watched the fire display in the sky. I realised dying is not the worst thing that could happen to me and when it does then there is not much I can do about it. I realised being with the people that I love and enjoying the moments that we have together is what really matters to me. There is no point in being fearful of what may or may not happen, in the meantime we can opt to live and be and enjoy what we do have.
We lost so many loved ones during those years. Our street got named after one of my primary school friends who lost his life in the frontline, and many left wounded and permanently disabled. We lost my dear brother and school friends. Many families lost their homes and got separated, and the war, like Covid-19, left a trail of destruction behind.
I missed big chunks of academic education in the first year of High School. I missed lessons in Biology, Chemistry and Physics, but instead, I learnt about resilience and how to be neighbourly and enjoy the little things in life. So if you are worried about your children’s education and concerned that this may scar them for life I would say it all depends, as these tough experiences could be the yeast of their development and make them more resilient and they may come out of the other end stronger and able to deal with so much more than you could ever have imagined.
If you want to have an e-chat over coffee and explore how you as a leader could emotionally support your team, please get in touch.
